A little bit of kindness goes a long way
May 30, 2023
I don’t think you can kill people with kindness. Certainly not in the leadership context. In fact, if anything, right now we have a great opportunity to be kinder and more caring. Let’s explore that.
I’ve had clients reaching out to me about the recent phenomenon of “quiet quitting” which has got a lot of press recently. We’ll be running a WoW Leadership Mastermind on this topic in November.
In reality, quiet quitting is employee disengagement and burnout sporting a newly marketed outfit. The inputs and results are the same. Employees don’t feel like investing energy and discretionary effort in their company, as they don’t feel their company and their leadership isn’t investing in them. A significant part of this boils down to feeling cared about. McKinsey research reports that the number one people are quitting is because they don’t feel like anyone cares about them.
The reality is that as a leader, you are the number one factor in whether or not your team members feel cared about.
How you choose to tackle it is your choice but I can tell you about a recent personal experience that demonstrated some real kindness from leaders.
A couple of months ago, a close member of my family was taken seriously ill and for a while, it was touch and go. I chose to share with some clients what was happening. Not for sympathy but instead to manage expectations about delivery dates and to let them know that I would be offline a little more than normal.
I will admit I had some concerns about sharing as I always pride myself on being available and ready to work at pretty much any time but in this instance, I believed our relationship was strong and based on a record of delivery and integrity.
These leaders could have been uncompromising and expected me to deliver no matter what. In contrast, these leaders were nothing but supportive. They showed empathy, care, and genuine concern for my sick relative.
Deadlines were reviewed, projects slowed down and they showed the sensitivity to give me the couple of weeks I needed to get organized again. In many cases, they reached out to check-in more than once.
These responses weren’t platitudes. They weren’t going through the motions of caring. It was genuine kindness. It reflected on them as leaders and on our relationship that they actually did care.
The result? My stress levels dropped. I felt more cared about at a human level. I then put in extra effort to support them as a result of the support they’d shown me - an increase in engagement. It took our relationship to another level and the happiness I felt at knowing there were incredible leaders in my network was awesome.
Interestingly there is actually heaps of research evidence on this topic but the one that really struck me was that “emotional and poignant milestone experiences make us feel 81% more valued and 77% more engaged” according to the team behind the Workforce Survey. This means that if you get these things right when they matter, the upside is huge!
I reflected on the key elements of the circumstances as I thought they would really help other leaders who might be wondering about the happiness, sense of care, and engagement of their employees. In effect, all of these things contribute to higher productivity so there is a business imperative but at the base level, it’s all about human connection.
Firstly, know the difference caring makes. Warwick University research noted: "Happier workers were 12% more productive. Unhappier workers were 10% less productive." Gallup research states that “Workers who feel engaged are up to 21% more productive”. Businesses with high engagement outperform the profitability of their peers by up to 3X. This stuff makes a difference.
Help your team to know you care. We know most leaders actually do care, it’s just the employees often don’t feel cared about. You can redress this issue by asking - “What’s happening for you at the moment? How are you feeling? What’s important in your world right now?” Understand what they care about in terms of their commitments and aspirations, and show empathy and support for that.
Build rounder relationships Seek to build relationships with your team that are more than a boss/employee and actually encompass their whole being. Being closed off and distant doesn't engender trust and doesn't help your team connect with you. Make it a point to start meetings with a personal connection versus being all about business.
Remember the stories they tell - Paying attention to small things happening in their lives - both good and bad, really helps people to feel seen. When you remember the details and mention them again, people feel noticed. This helps them to feel like you care. You might ask how their kid’s sports event went, their spouse’s interview or whether their pet is recovering. All of this is kindness at work.
Celebrate wins and work together on challenges. Every team has a mix of wins and losses. When the wins come, celebrate together and call out those people who made a difference. When the losses come, accept the responsibility of the loss but work as a team to learn for next time. Everyone can contribute to lessons learned activities and from our Leader Lab in Lessons Learned, we often see this being one of the breakthrough engagement moments teams have and feel like their opinions are being heard. From adversity comes strength. The kindness here comes from not throwing your team under the bus when things go wrong. But instead using the opportunity to build connection.
Mirror the tone. As you become more senior, you also become more intimidating to more junior employees. The way you dress, speak, and act is all subject to scrutiny. Think about how you can come across as more approachable by watching how other people who connect well with others come across.
I could go on, but you get the gist. Being kind and caring is simply about being more human. What are your top tips here? What could other leaders learn from? Drop a comment below.
Finally, you’ll be happy to know that my relative is on the mend and should be around for many years to come!
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