It can be lonely at the top - imposter syndrome
May 30, 2023
Chances are that you have been successful for most of your career. However, even successful people often reach a point in their career where they start to feel isolated and vulnerable. Have you ever worried about being “found out” for not really knowing what you are doing?
Most likely you started a business or have grown it over a period of years and have been used to winning through hard work, hustle, long hours. Able to deliver for your customers no matter what. All of a sudden, new feelings and sensations are starting to emerge. You are leading people, building teams, further away from the day to day and new skills are required. At the same time, you have perhaps focused more on your business and less on your personal life.
Through all of this, you have nobody to share your thoughts with because everyone is looking to you for the answers all the time. In your mind admitting that you don’t feel calm and collected would appear weak. To say to people – “I have NO idea what I am doing right now” - sends shivers down your spine because you have always been the one with the answers. To ask people how you are doing and seeking feedback feels like admitting weakness or perhaps worse, they will tell you what you secretly believe about your own shortcomings, and to have someone confirm that would be the worst!
These emotions manifest in whirring mind, sleepless nights where you constantly think about how to deal with the myriad of issues in front of you and don’t feel able to delegate it to anyone in your team or trust them with your greatest concerns.
With these new responsibilities and demands on your time, you wonder, how long can you keep up this pace? You are hard-wired to work hard but hard work isn’t going to make you happy in the long term. In the back of your mind, there is this nagging sense that you are not achieving quite what you wanted and that everyone is thinking the same thing – you are failing or are going to fail soon.
You simply work harder, longer and get closer to burnout in order to avoid the anxiety that grips you of being caught out or failing. You burn even more energy trying to "over-deliver" on everything so nobody questions your competency. Can you see the vicious cycle?
Step 1: Acknowledge your FEAR
I’ll let you into a secret. The majority of high performers have imposter syndrome. In fact it is often that feeling of not being good enough that drives us to achieve the most! Imagine though what it might be like if you spent less time worrying and more time enjoying life?
Imposter syndrome, like most fear, is simply False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR). The American Psychological Association says that you’re not alone and that this feeling is perfectly normal. It typically shows up when you have been given an opportunity, such as being put in charge or promoted to a new position you don’t feel you’re ready for just yet. Or, if like most of the people I work with, your business has experienced rapid growth (due to your success) and things have got away from you.
When comparing yourself to others in similar circumstances it’s easy to obsess over your own personal flaws and all the reasons you don’t deserve to be in the circumstances in which you find yourself. In reality, this FEAR is you only seeing part of the picture.
Step 2: Realize the truth
The irony of imposter syndrome is that the exact opposite of what you fear the most is usually the truth. What’s the truth of the situation? Clearly, someone (and likely more than one person) deemed that you were qualified to step into and hold the role you have. If you have grown a successful business, you are absolutely capable! Moreover, if you dig deep within yourself, all the evidence you need about why you were given this opportunity is right there in front of you. It’s being ignored, however, due to the fear that’s showing up at the moment. We tend to let the devil on our shoulders have all the airtime and ignore the things we have done well.
When you take a deep breath and take the time to acknowledge all that you have already accomplished, the fear of not being ready or qualified starts to dissipate. The truth is that you’ve done quite a lot to get where you are. The very things we tend to dismiss are the same things that others tend to hold in high regard.
You also need to dispel the myth that everyone else has their sh*t together. They don't. Most people are also freaking out. Once I realized this, I was able to see people in a different way but also help them more effectively.
Step 3: Choose someone to unpack this with
If realizing the truth isn’t doing it for you, seek out a coach, mentor or fan. When you are willing to be vulnerable and speak about the imposter syndrome you’re feeling, what you’re likely to get back may surprise you.
A fan will reinforce all the reasons they think you’re awesome. A mentor will talk you through how he or she has overcome similar feelings. Most effectively, a coach will help you go deep into yourself so that you can focus on all the accomplishments and qualifications you have already achieved, which should eradicate any limiting belief that you are not worthy - helping you to silence the little devil. Whichever you choose (and I recommend all of them), the key is to start the process of identifying that little devil with all the airtime and see when they appear and being able to cope with that.
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