Are you feeling emotionally disrupted or out of control?
May 25, 2023
One day you feel like you're on top of the world, in the zone, smashing it! All of a sudden, you realise that you are spinning out of control and the euphoria evaporates - replaced by panic / gloom. You struggle with your mood, your interactions with others suffer and your ability to achieve dwindles.
How did this happen? What do you do now
Congratulations - You have taken the first step by noticing it.
Our emotional state is often defined by a few simple things - our relationships, our work, our health, our sleep, our diet. Too often, we take these things for granted, or put a disproportionate emphasis on one or two. We can also forget the requirement to be disciplined in how we manage them whilst we feel great. Then we are left guessing what to do when we find ourselves in a slide.
Let me give you an easy to understand example. Let's say you have started a new job and nervousness and excitement buoy you with adrenaline. You work longer hours and don't perhaps take that time to catch up with your partner at the start/end of the day. You forget to call your parents because you are in a meeting. You sleep a little less because you are trying to organise all the new information you have in your head. Maybe you get a few takeaways and skip that morning workout because you have focused on the job and impressing your boss. Your significant other starts to notice that you are a little more distant and preoccupied. Sound familiar? It happens so quickly that we often don't notice until it's too late. And this is one of any number of examples. But the good news is we can prevent this.
The consistent factor in this hypothetical, and nearly all scenarios, is patterns or routine. Humans rely on routine. A significant portion of our cognitive function is based on identifying patterns in information and shipping it off to "semi-autopilot" to free up our pre-frontal cortexes for the demanding, new, complex stuff. Our daily behaviours (routines) become part of these patterns; and we take security and strength in them. As soon as you let one of these patterns be disrupted, it upsets the balance you have so carefully created in your brain.
So how do you fix this? Well you rely on being more disciplined in your most important routines. But before you can be disciplined, you have to know about what – and which are going to make a difference? And then hold yourself accountable. Take a few moments to jot down the answers to these questions?
- What are the 5 most important routines in your life that give you stability? Exercise, sleep, hobbies, sex, time with your kids - whatever it is for you. etc etc.
- When was the last time you did each of those things and felt great about it?
- How often/much do you need those things in your life and for how long?
The reason you write down the 5 things, is because they are your routine anchors. The routines you need to keep you from feeling disrupted. Capturing the last time you did them helps you attach a positive, associated memory - which you'll need later to get you back to that routine; using a stimulus of your brain's reward centre. Noting the frequency and duration gives you a metric to measure against - so you can see a gap when it's occurring. Remember - what gets measured gets done!
Then, when you feel out of control - audit yourself. Pull out that checklist and ask yourself - Are you getting those things? Are you getting enough of those things? And if there are any gaps, how do you do them right away? It sounds so simple huh?!
But it gets better!!
Make your checklist part of your daily anchor routine - and hold yourself accountable daily. Don't let the slip happen in the first place. If you forget, and you feel yourself slipping - anchor before it's too late.
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