A simple method for stabilizing yourself during a disruption

One day you feel like you’re on top of the world, in the zone, smashing it! All of a sudden, you realize that you are spinning out of control and the euphoria evaporates — replaced by panic/gloom and a range of other emotions. You struggle with your mood, your interactions with others suffer and your ability to achieve dwindles. Coronavirus is causing extra strain and disruption to many people right now. Disruption can be really unsettling for people. Unfortunately, when we're unstable or feel out of control everything feels out of control. So what can you do about it?

I have been working with my clients on three key areas: Routine, Orientation, and forward Movement.

Routine:

Humans rely on routines for stability. A significant portion of our cognitive function is based on identifying patterns in the information we absorb, and then shipping it off to “semi-auto pilot” to free up our energy to deal with the new, complex stuff.

Our daily behaviors and actions become part of these routines and they help take the load off mentally. We take security and strength in knowing where we work, the people we see, the route to work etc. Some people embed routines to the extreme to free up more mental space. Steve Jobs only wore one type of clothing to remove the need to make a choice in the morning. He had a routine and therefore he could think about other things whilst dressing.

As soon as routines are disrupted it upsets the balance you have so carefully created in your brain and requires extra energy to manage the day-to-day. Coronavirus is a major disruptor. Think of your routines like a three-legged stool. The three legs being Home, Work, and Self. What has been disrupted for you right now? I’m guessing all three right? So, therefore, this is taking up a lot of mental energy.

I liken this level of disruption to suddenly being a foreign exchange student in Mexico, with no money, and trying to survive alone (yes I was that student!). Very little of what you used to rely on works. The language, practices, norms, culture are all different. That’s a shock to the system!

So how do you fix this? Well first you need to identify your stabilizing routines - these are the ones which you know are going to make a difference to keep you grounded. We tend to find these are home and self-related (but not necessarily). Take a few moments to jot down the answers to these questions:

• What are the 3 most important routines in your life that give you stability? Exercise, sleep, meditation, hobbies, time with your kids, etc - whatever it is for you.
• When was the last time you did each of those things and felt great about it?
• Are there any which you are overdoing / significantly under-doing?
• Where can you make some changes to get you back on track to feeling settled?

Once you have a handle on these, you can carry out a gap analysis on what you need to do, to help you self-stabilize. Having stabilizing routines means we feel that not everything is out of control, and this helps calm us enough to be able to move toward orientation. Without this stabilization we will struggle to get much further.

Orientation:

The next thing to think about is Orientation, and in this context, it's an orientation to the new way of living and working. In essence, orientation is about getting a view of the lay of the land, and making a plan to thrive, not just survive in it. Again let's use the three-legged stool analogy.

At work, this might include learning new software packages, agreeing on new ways of holding meetings or coming up with new ways of connecting with our team. At home, it might be agreeing with the kids when it's ok and not ok to interrupt. With our boss, it might be agreeing what are the expectations for working hours. Research shows the most people who work from home tend to work longer hours because they think their bosses aren't going to realize the work they do. They also take the 30 to 90 minutes most people spend commuting each way, each day and just add that to the working day too.

Consider these questions:

• What does thriving look like in this situation? (work, home, and self)
• What do I need from myself and others to help me thrive?
• What do they need from me to allow things to run smoothly at their end?
• How do we make that happen?

The best way to get the answers to these questions is to actively engage in conversation with the other party rather than assuming you know their answers. Their lives may have been disrupted too, so making the assumption based on how you knew how they will have reacted before may not be accurate in the new context.

Move!

The final step is to Move forward. Stop worrying about what was. Stop worrying about the place you used to work in, the old context, the workmates you miss, whatever it is. You can't change what was but you can change how you deal with the future. Focus your energy on being decisive, making choices and moving forward. Leaders need to communicate with and set agreed direction with their teams. People like certainty so move from where you are toward that.

Certainly, reflect on the best parts of the old context, and identify what you can bring from that old context into the new way of working. For example, what is the essence of human connection that you could bring into a virtual meeting? Just do not dwell on the past and what was. Focus more on what can be.

And there you have it. Taking this time to reflect and establish your routines, orientate yourself and then focus on forward movement will help move from feeling disrupted to feeling confident and in control.

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